If you really want to prepare for when things get medieval, buy a castle - and buy one that's been built for modern sieges. A castle is for sale in Yelm. This isn't some Disney castle with fancy spires and pretty blue and gold trim. This castle is blocky, solid, and functional. At least that's the intent. The apocalypse hasn't hit yet, so until then it is a 3 bedroom, 3 bath, 4,139 square foot house on 4 acres for $649,000. Is that the price you want to pay while waiting for the world to collapse? Of course, if civilization vanishes, will the resale value matter?
Elysium, the name scrawled over the door, is built to go off-grid; or truer to the intent, to operate on its own after the grid goes away. It will stay warm or cool, because the walls are two feet thick and will slow any temperature change. That's much better defense than almost any other house outside Europe (except for a certain missile silo we know of), and it is also excellent thermal insulation. Walls that thick can make for excellent windowsill reading spots, but the windows were kept small; whether for insulation, defense, style, or some combination. The crenelations may be modeled from archers' defenses, but it's hard to tell if their ornamental or operational without climbing onto the roof.
A lot of the prep work is hidden in the basement. Down there there's a second kitchen, an enormous pantry, bunkrooms, and an NBC filter. Don't be mistaken, an NBC filter is not a way to screen out one of the broadcast networks. NBC stands for Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical; a filtration system designed for bomb shelters and bunkers ala HEPA - so it's good for folks with allergies. With that much food and accommodations, you can stay down there for the entire flu and pollen season. And, of course, one of the great defenses is that it is far from the maddening crowds, otherwise known as the possible source of the zombie apocalypse. Check to see if there's a basement below the basement. Maybe there's room for a dungeon, too.
Life isn't all worry. The upstairs kitchen is equipped with copper sinks, double ovens, and triple dishwashers, which can come in handy for big parties. The decor is plain white walls with rustic fixtures, so you have lots of decorating opportunities. Go artsy, dress it out for Renaissance reenactors, or plaster it with emergency preparedness charts. There's a hot tub out back, with the beginnings of an island motif, for relaxing your muscles; and a waterfall and pond for when you want the water to relax your worry lines.
· Titan Missile Base [CS]
· 4106 89th Ave SE, Yelm [Estately]
Written by Tom Trimbath