SantaCon in Seattle: Where it will be, and where you should go instead

There was a time when SantaCon was a well-intentioned, artistic way to raise money. These days, it’s an excuse for thousands of people to wear Santa costumes and get drunk. And you can expect “over two thousand” Santas “parading through...Downtown Seattle” this Saturday.

Know The Route:

Things kick off at 12:00 at the Westlake Park Tree. At 12:30, they flock to P.F. Chang's, Buffalo Wild Wings, Yard House, Chipotle, McDonald's, Qdoba, Walgreens, Elysian Bar, Westlake Carousel, or Visit Santa at Macy's.

At 1:15, they then flock to Blarney Stone, El Borracho, Cupcake Royale, Cantina de san Patricio, Kell’s, original Starbucks, Alibi Room, Gum Wall, Fish Market, Athenian Seafood Bar, Target, or Pike Brewing Co.

At 2:00, they’ll grab something to eat at Kell’s, Cantina de san Patricio, or Blarney Stone. The Pike Place Market takeover goes down at 3:45 including a group photo in front of the Public Market Center sign.

At 4:00PM they’ll be swarmed at Hard Rock Cafe or Blarney Stone. At 6:15 they’ll take another group photo at Harbor Steps and then head to the next round of partying at Fado, Contour, or J&M Cafe.

Then at 8:30 they’ll congregate at 88 Keys or J&M Cafe. The costumed excitement ends when they go to Trinity Nightclub or Fado from 10:30 p.m. to 2:00 a.m.

Preventative Measures:

For Chrissake, stay away from Downtown. The Santas will be bouncing from place to place all day, and some may break off to go rogue at some point, but so long as you keep yourself out of Downtown, Pike Place Market, and Pioneer Square, you should be able to avoid it all.

Stay out of adjoining neighborhoods, too. There’s a decent chance the Santas will bleed into Belltown, Denny Triangle and the Waterfront as well. Just do yourself a favor and head to North Seattle for the day.

Sober up: If you have to be anywhere in the Downtown region on Saturday, consider waiting until later or Sunday to grab a drink. Enter any bar at your own risk.

And 7 fun things to do that are far away from SantaCon:

The Princess Bride Quote-Along: Sure you’ve watched The Princess Bride more times than you can remember but how many times have you watched it in a theater full of people who know the film just as well as you? It’s like a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening without needing to get dressed up or throw shit.

Maldoggies Family Christmas: Northwest indie rock bands The Maldives and The Moondoggies come together for a weekend of rock shows.

Parlay Presents Short Shorts: Nine playwrights. Nine new plays. Each nine minutes or less. The theme of the year is “Peace.” Don’t know about you but we could use a little bit of discussion about that in 2016.

Mudhoney, The Fall-Outs, Pink Parts: Remember Mudhoney? They’re still chugging and you can chug along at the Crocodile. Also chugging will be openers The Fall-Outs and Pink Parts.

The Sixth Annual March of the Mistletomosexuals: Perhaps in response to SantaCon, perhaps not, this Santa pub crawl is a “rechristening of the neighborhood’s gayest gay bars.” So, yeah, little bit different to SantaCon. They’ll be crawling all over Broadway and the Pike-Pine corridor.

King Charles III: Get your highbrow on at Seattle Rep with this 2014 play about what might happen if and when Charles ascends the British crown. The Seattle Times called it “marvelously stimulating” while The Stranger says it’s a “three-hour long, mansplained crisis of Shakespearean proportions.” So, you know, use your judgement.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch: Meanwhile at the Paramount, John Cameron Mitchell and Stephen Trask's Tony Award-winning rock musical is full of great songs, genderqueer glam, and a very moving story in there behind it all.